


The War We Fought

by Ambs_Writes



Series: Found [3]
Category: Amar a Muerte (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gun Violence, Gun Wounds, Homophobic Language, body scars, but they do get hurt, most of this is just emotional angst, no one dies, not to graphic but may be triggering, torture scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 04:05:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19165471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambs_Writes/pseuds/Ambs_Writes
Summary: “I will always come back to you.” Valentina turns to her, moving like she wants to embrace Juliana and then stopping. “Nothing will ever keep me from coming home to you, not again. But..”“But it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”Valentina shook her head and stepped away from Juliana dropping her hand as she went.





	The War We Fought

**Author's Note:**

> Flashback scenes are in italics. 
> 
> Foreword that this does have some dark torture scenes that may be triggering. 
> 
> Please read carefully and let me know if any additional tags should be added.

Juliana wakes up suddenly, a sharp pain in her side making a slight gasp escape from her mouth as she twists slightly. She's warm, almost uncomfortably so, a strange heat surrounding her that is familiar and foreign. She tries to move again and then falls still when there’s a slight pressure on her side, long fingers gently holding her in place. Her breath catches in her throat as her eyes flicker open and then close immediately. The scent that fills her nose is familiar and new, a scent she could only find her dreams for the past three years. Memories of the night before came flooding back.

The cartel members attacking her.

Her savior dressed in black.

A sharp pain in her side.

Blue eyes.

_Valentina._

“Juls, stopping moving. You’re going to pull your stitches out.” Juliana sits up sharply at the sound of Valentina’s voice, ignoring the pain in her side in favor of starring, bewildered at the woman before her.

“Val,” Juliana reaches for her, the tips of her fingers just barely brushing over Valentina’s cheekbones. Valentina takes a deep, gasping breath in response and her fingers flex slightly where they rest against Juliana’s side. She was there, really there. Valentina was alive, beside her, holding her while she slept, still taking care of her. “Valentina.”

“It’s me, Juliana, I’m here.” Valentina takes the hand that Juliana still has lifted and pulls it down to her chest, letting their hands rest together over her beating heart. Juliana lets out a shuddering breath as she feels Valentina’s heart beat against her palm. She stares at their hands for a second and then looks up at Valentina’s face again. Valentina isn’t looking at her, not directly. She’s starring a spot over Juliana’s shoulder.

Juliana opens her mouth to speak but the words catch in her throat. There’s so much to say, so many things she wants to know, questions she wants to ask. But she hesitates, unsure how to ask them. Despite their emotional kiss the night before, despite being in Valentina’s arms again, there’s a distance between them. An air of uncertainty lingers in the space between their bodies, an air that Juliana doesn’t know how to clear. She’s overwhelmed suddenly by the knowledge that nothing is the same between them.

She drops her hand from Valentina’s chest and moves closer, tucking her body against Valentina’s and placing her ear over her heart. It’s beating faster than if had been when her palm was against Valentina’s chest instead, but the rythmic thumping is still comforting. Slowly, hesitantly, Valentina’s arms wrap around her. Her embrace is loose, like she’s afraid to fully hold Juliana. It’s a stark contrast to the way Valentina used to hold Juliana, tightly and gently and without any hint of hesitation. Juliana sighs softly, feeling Valentina’s arms flex around her automatically, pulling her closer. Valentina’s heartbeat returned to its slow, soothing tempo. A ghost of a kiss is pressed against Juliana’s hair.

Maybe some things haven’t changed.

 

She isn’t sure how long they stay that way and she doesn’t care. She doesn’t ever want to move again. Juliana is finally back in Valentina’s arms, she’s finally home again and she has no desire to ever let Valentina go again. She doesn’t even want to blink, halfway scared that when she opens her eyes again she’ll wake up in a cold, empty apartment by herself.

“We need to leave here soon,” Valentina breaks the silence that had fallen over them in a low voice. “It isn’t safe.”

“Where are we?” Juliana asks. She looks around the room, taking it in clearly for this first time. She doesn’t recognize anything in the room aside from the black leather hooded jacket handing over a chair a few feet away. The room is small, with only the small cot they rest on and a small table with a couple of worn down chairs in it. A small window gave way to a view of the city skyline but not enough so that Juliana could recognize where they were.

“The south side, in an abandoned tower.” Valentina lifts herself from the bed and out of Juliana’s embrace.

“How long have you been here?” Juliana isn’t sure if she wants to know that answer. How long has Valentina been in the city? Been so close? So close to her but refusing to reach out.

“A few weeks.” Valentina has her back turned to Juliana. Her shirt had ridden up slightly. Juliana can see the barest hint of a thin white stripe the begins to rise an inch above Valentina’s waist. The mark is unfamiliar to Juliana and her mind races with a thousand different ways that Valentina could have acquired a new scar. Valentina realizes her shirt is bunched up and pulls it down, hiding the mark from view. She slides on her jacket next without turning around. Juliana wonders how many scars Valentina is hiding. Her heart breaks at the thoughts. “We should be able to leave without being spotted by now. It’s been long enough for El Vació to lose track of us.”

“How long has it been?” Juliana asks as she looks out the window again. The sky is colored in hues of orange and pink, what Juliana had thought was a sunrise turned out to be a sunset. “How long was I asleep?”

“Two days.” Valentian zips up her jacket and turns back around. “I didn’t want to wake you, you looked like you haven’t gotten much sleep in a while.”

Juliana hums slightly, meeting Valentina’s eyes for the first time since she woke up again. Valentina was right, Juliana hadn’t a good nights sleep in three years. “Thank you.”

Valentina nods slightly but the smile Juliana expected to see doesn’t come. Instead Valentina clears her throat and turns back around. “I have your phone, it fell out of your pocket when we got here.”

“Oh, great,” Juliana takes the device that Valentina hands to her and clicks the power button. Her screen lights up with dozens of notifications from her mother, Guille, Lucía and Eva, all of them asking where she was and telling her to call them back. Juliana sends them all a quick message telling them that she’s okay and she’ll call them later. She’s unsurprised when Eva calls her two seconds later.

“Juliana Valdes well the hell are you?” Eva yells as soon as Juliana answers the phone. “We’ve been worried sick.”

“I’m fine, Eva,” Juliana tells her, wincing as she rises from the bed. Valentina turns around and offers Juliana her hand to help her up. “Better than fine, actually.” Juliana grips Valentina’s waist to steady herself.

“What are you talking about, Juls? Where are you?” Eva demands again, her voice loud enough that Valentina can hear her too.

“Following a lead,” Juliana says cryptically. She looks into Valentina’s eyes again, silently asking for Valentina’s consent. Valentina nods slightly.

“Following a lead? What happened to doing this together, Juliana?”

“It was sorta taken out of my hands,” Juliana responds. “It doesn’t matter just meet me at my apartment in two hours. Bring everyone.” Juliana hangs up before Eva can say anything else and then turns her phone off. She slides her phone into her pocket and releases her hold on Valentina. Valentina takes two steps back as soon as Juliana releases her.

“We should go,” Valentina hands Juliana a different jacket, black but without a hood and not bloodstained. Juliana doesn’t know what happened to the jacket she was wearing last night. “Your wound is just a graze but it will hurt for a while. Let me know if you need to stop.”

Juliana nodded. “How are we getting out of here?”

“The same way we got in,” Valentina grabbed the two weapons she had the night before and strapped them to her back. Then, she moved to Juliana again. “Hold on to me,”

Valentina helps Juliana wrap an arm around her shoulders, Valentina’s arm goes around her back and she kneels slightly to hook her other arm beneath Juliana’s knees. She stands back up, Juliana cradled against her chest bridal style. Valentina lifts Juliana as easily as she would pick up a feather and moves to the window. The sun has faded over the horizon as Valentina exits her hideout with Juliana in her arms, hiding in the shadows and moving across the rooftops.

~

It doesn’t take them long to reach Juliana’s apartment and they enter through the large window in the bedroom, hidden from view. Valentina sets Juliana down on the bed and then kneels beside her.

“Are you okay?” Valentina asks softly, her hand hovering over where Juliana’s bandage rests beneath her shirt.

“I’m fine.” Juliana promises but she takes a moment to recline on the bed. Valentina had carried her gently, but jumping across rooftops wasn’t the smoothest method of traveling and Juliana had been jostled more than a few times. She wasn’t sure how Valentina had carried her so far anyway, her strength seeming inhuman. “Just give me a second.”

Valentina nods and takes a step away, unstrapping her swords from her back but keeping her jacket on. Her eyes dart around the room, her gaze deep and unreadable. She looks over every corner of the room before turning completely to the back corner across from the window. Juliana follows her gaze to the collage of pictures hanging on the wall. Most of them are duplicates of pictures they had taken during their three year relationship, with the originals still hanging on the wall in Valentina’s bedroom at the Carvajal mansion. There’s only been a few additions, mostly of Juliana with the other Carvajal siblings, Lucía, or her mother and her mother’s boyfriend Panchito. Valentina traces her finger over one of the pictures, Juliana can’t tell which one it is but judging from Valentina’s almost wistful expression it’s one of two of them.

“Your family will be here soon,” Juliana breaks the silence that covered them again. “Are you going to stay?”

“I don’t know.” Valentina doesn’t turn to her. “You’re not supposed to know that I’m here, none of you are.”

“What do you mean?” Juliana scoots over so she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, directly behind Valentina.

“This wasn’t part of the plan,” Valentina doesn’t elaborate any further nor does she turn. Juliana holds back a sigh and stands from the bed.

“Valentina,” she says as she takes Valentina’s hand. “What are you talking about? What plan?”

“You weren’t supposed to know I was here, or even alive. You were supposed to be safe.” Valentina glances over at her.

“You weren’t going to come back to me.” It’s not a question or a statement but uttering the words still breaks Juliana’s heart in half.

“I will always come back to you.” Valentina turns to her, moving like she wants to embrace Juliana and then stopping. “Nothing will ever keep me from coming home to you, not again. But..”

“But it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”

Valentina shook her head and stepped away from Juliana dropping her hand as she went.

“You weren’t supposed to be attacked. We knew they were watching you, I came to the city to protect you but I didn’t know El Vació sees you as that big of a threat.” Valentina runs a hand through her hair. “I knew they were watching you, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”

“So, what was supposed to happen?” Juliana asked softly. Her heart warred with her head, halfway happy that Valentina had been protecting her from afar and halfway angry for the same reason. Valentina had been in the same city as her for weeks and hadn’t tried to make contact.

“I was supposed to stake out El Vació’s warehouse, get in, get the intel we needed and get out. Then we would infiltrate and take them out.” Valentina’s tone dripped with malice when she spoke about El Vació, it made Juliana shiver. She had never heard Valentina speak that way before. “Then when all was said and done, I’d come home. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“So what changed?” Juliana questioned softly. “Why stay with me? Why not stop those guys and leave?”

Valentina stops pacing and turns to Juliana. There’s a flood of emotion in her eyes that seems like it would take an eternity to wade through. Juliana steps closer to her.

"I couldn't leave you." Valentina whispers, "not again, not knowing what they would have done to you. What they will still try to do to you."

"I'm glad you stayed," Juliana says, taking another step closer to Valentina. There's a foot of space between them now. "I'm glad you're here, with me again." She swallows against the lump in her throat and takes another step.

"I wanted to come back sooner, but it wasn't safe. It still isn't." Valentina doesn't move as Juliana takes another step. They stand toe to toe.

"I don't care if it's safe or not Val," Juliana slowly reaches for Valentina's face, cradles it between her hands. "I don't care about El Vació or anyone else. I wasn't looking in to them to expose them, I was looking for you."

"They'll still come after you again Juliana. El Vació doesn't leave loose ends."

"I don't care." Juliana repeats. "Valentina all I cared about was finding you, getting you back. Nothing else matters to me."

"I can't put you in danger like this Juliana. You don't know what El Vació is capable of." Valentina closes her eyes, unable to look at Juliana knowing what her presence in the city could do to the woman she still loved.

"I put myself in danger," Juliana protests immediately, "and I'll do it again. I love you. I'm not letting you go again."

"Love won't keep you safe. Not from them. They'll use it against you." When Valentina opens her eyes again, there's something lingering in the blue depths, a deep, haunting, emotion that Juliana almost can't identify. Fear.

"Let them try," Juliana states defiantly. There's so much more she wants to say, so much that rests on the tip of her tongue. Everything she's felt, everything she's needed to say to Valentina over the past three years builds in her throat. The phone rings.

Valentina steps away from Juliana, her eyes losing the swirls of emotion and the muscles of her back tightening as she turns away. Juliana can see Valentina closing herself off right before her eyes. It breaks her heart.

She answers her phone, Guille and the others are down stairs. She tells them to come up and heads to the living room, Valentina silently following behind her.

~

The room is silent, the feeling of disbelief, apprehension and wonder rolling off the five occupants in almost palpable waves. It feels like a lifetime has passed since the five of them were standing like this, all together, in one room. So much has changed. So much is still the same. There’s a gap between them, one that didn’t exist three years ago. And, as much as they try to ignore it, the physical gap exists too, an empty space where the Carvajal patriarch should have been standing with them.

“Valentina,” Guille is the first to recover from the shock of seeing his sister again, alive and well and standing in Juliana’s living room. Maybe it’s because he was there when Chino said Valentina was still alive those few months ago. Maybe he feels like he’s dreaming and he needs to hear Valentina speak to be certain. Either way, Juliana understands. “You’re, you’re here.”

“It’s really you?” Eva takes a step forward and then pauses, looking at Valentina likes she’s afraid that she’ll blink and Valentina will suddenly be gone again. She swallows thickly.

“It’s me, Eva.” Valentina reassures softly but she makes no move to close the gap between her and her siblings. She was expecting them, she was the one who told Juliana to call them after they arrived at Juliana’s apartment and listened to several messages left by Guille, Eva and Lucía demanding that Juliana call them back. Valentina wasn’t expecting the turmoil she would feel seeing them again.

“I can’t believe it,” Guille’s words come out as a startled exhale, relieved and amazed in equal amounts. Lucía remains silent, standing slightly behind the two eldest Carvajal siblings with one hand pressed against her heart like she’s trying to make sure it won’t fall out of her chest. “You’re home.”

Valentina looks down at the back of the couch she’s standing behind before lifting her gaze slightly to look at Juliana. Juliana is seated on the couch, leaning against the arm rest and trying not to strain the wound on her abdomen as she looks at Valentina. When Valentina speaks, Juliana feels her words resonate deep within herself. “I’m home.”

“Are you okay? What happened? How long have you been back? Why didn’t you tell us?” Eva’s rapid fire questions came without preamble, her last question directed at Juliana.

“I didn’t have time.” Juliana responds without breaking eye contact with Valentina. She’s lost in the sea of Valentina’s eyes, the same sea she’d been desperate to drown in since she lost sight of it three years ago. “I was attacked, Val saved me. We had just gotten here when I called.”

“Attacked?” Lucía asks, speaking for the first time since she arrived. Valentina’s gaze drifts up to her, her eyes dimming slightly as they connect with her step-mother’s. Something in her shifts, Juliana sees the tension in her shoulders rise, watches as Valentina crosses her arms across her chest. She reaches out towards Val, wincing slightly as the motion pulls on her stitches but manages to gently touch Valentina’s hip.

“El Vació’s henchmen tried to jump her when she was leaving El Centro.” Valentina explains, dropping one arm from around herself to touch Juliana’s hand. Their fingers link together slowly, Valentina moving them slowly. She’s been hesitant in touching Juliana since their tearful reunion two days ago. It’s as if she’s surprised that Juliana would want Valentina to touch her. “I stopped them.”

“How?” Eva asks, stunned. The Valentina she remembered wouldn’t hurt a fly. She couldn’t imagine her little sister fighting anyone, let alone a pair of sicarios. Valentina shrugged slightly in response.

“It was amazing,” Juliana said, “I’ve never seen anyone move that fast.”

“Not fast enough.” Valentina’s voice came out harsher than expected, a relentless criticism directed at herself. At the same time, her voice sounded strangely hollow, like she had said that phrase so many times it was ingrained into her. “I should have stopped him.”

“It was just a graze, Val.” Juliana heard three gasps and suddenly remembered the other Carvajal’s standing in her living room.

“You were shot?” Lucía stepped forward, almost all the way to the couch. She reached like she wanted to touch Juliana’s arm but stopped suddenly, looking up at Valentina. It took Juliana a moment to realize that the low growl-like sound was coming from Valentina. Juliana looks up at her and sees the same protectiveness in her eyes that she saw two night ago. Her free hand starts to move towards her shoulder, she seems to be two seconds away from jumping over the couch to physically block Lucía from touching Juliana.

“Valentina?” Guille steps forwards slowly, hands held up in the universal sign of ‘I won’t hurt you’ but his actions do nothing to calm Valentina down. The low growl coming from her throat sounds again, louder this time. Valentina’s jaw clenches as she tries to reach for the blades she had gotten so used to carrying on her shoulders but finds only empty air. Lucía starts to retreat slowly, looking more shocked than anything. Valentia doesn’t relax.

Juliana pushes herself off the couch and, ignoring the sharp pain in her side, walks around it to stand next to Valentina, without breaking the connection of their hands.

“Val, amor, mirame.” Juliana wiggles until she can put herself between Valentina and the couch, and subsequently the other three occupants of the room. Her free hand lifts to hold Valentina’s chin gently. “Valentina, look at me. Only me.”

Juliana can feel Valentina’s jaw clench under her palm, sees her struggle to come back to herself. She released Juliana’s hand so she can settle one hand on Juliana’s hip, opposite her wound, and the other can rest against Juliana’s chest. The movement doesn’t surprise Juliana, it’s something that she woke up to find Valentina doing the past two nights, resting a hand against Juliana’s heart to feel the beat beneath her palm.

“I’m here, you’re here. You’re home. We’re safe.” Juliana covers Valentina’s hand with her own, the thumb of the hand caressing Valentina’s jaw softly stroking back and forth. She feels Valentina take a deep breath and release it. She finally meets Juliana’s gaze again and stares for a long moment. A pang of sadness hits Juliana’s heart as Valentina looks at her. She used to be able to tell what Valentina was looking for when their eyes met, if she needed assurance or comfort or even just to laugh. Valentina used to be an open book to Juliana, one that she had read so many times she could visualize each scene in her head. Now, Valentina’s eyes look deeply into Juliana’s and all she sees is clouded blue.

“Sorry,” Valentina clears her throat. “I’m sorry.” There’s a broken edge to her voice as she keeps repeating her apologies.

“Shhhh, mi amor, it’s okay.” Juliana pulls Valentina into a hug. She feels like crying when it takes a second longer for Valentina to relax into her than it would have before. “I’m here, I’ve got you.”

Valentina remained silent as Juliana pressed a kiss against the side of her head, ducking down to hide her face in Juliana’s neck and breath her in. The other three Carvajal’s watched the reunited couple with mixed emotions, immense relief crushed beneath the heavy sadness that lingered in their hearts.

Valentina was home yes, but obviously she was a different person now. The light she used to hold had dimmed, what used to be a blazing bonfire now resembled the small spark of a match. The room remained silent for a time, the three Carvajal’s and Juliana wondering what could have happened to Valentina to make her act so differently, so cold to those she called family, and still partially hidden from even Juliana. They needed to know but dreaded the answers.

Valentina had boarded a plane with her father, her spirit soaring as high as the stars and her heart residing safely with the love of her life.

She returned three years later with her spirit dimmed so low that even she thought it was gone sometimes. But Juliana could still see the spark within her, and she wouldn’t let it go out without a fight.

**~**

After her outburst, Valentina quickly excused herself from the living room and retreated to Juliana's bedroom. She only cast a quick glance over her shoulder at Juliana as she left, a face that was once an open book to Juliana now unreadable.

"Are you okay?" Lucía asked after a tense silence that fell over the group after Valentina left lingered for too long.

"I wouldn't be, if she hadn't been there," Juliana didn't look away from where Val had exited the room. "She just showed up out of nowhere, wielding a couple of swords and dressed in all black." Juliana took a breathe and looked at the others. "I didn't even know it was her until I saw her eyes."

"She fought against guns with swords?" Guille asked, incredulously. At Juliana's nod he rubbed a hand down his face and sat down heavily on the couch beside her. "What happened to her?"

Guille was speaking more to himself but it was a question they were all thinking. What had happened that turned Valentina into a dangerous, sword wielding, vigilante? What had made her so stoic, so scarily intense. Valentina had always been a little reckless, but never in a way that would harm anyone else. Her intensity was something that Juliana admired, the way Valentina would allow herself to just _feel_.

Juliana tried to deny it, but there was a gap between them, emotionally, a gap that wouldn’t close because of a few days of close contact and silent moments. Juliana could see that Valentina was holding herself back, in a way that she had never experienced before. From the day they met Valentina had been nothing but open with Juliana. Now she was silent, stoic and kept her emotions concealed behind a blank mask. Juliana felt like the gap got wider with every second and she didn’t know how to fix it. Valentina was home, but Juliana was so scared that her Valentina, the gentle, loving, open soul she fell in love with would never truly return

"I don't know." Juliana blinked back her tears, playing with the silver 'v' around her neck. "She's different. I don’t know if she’s really back. She doesn’t seem like my Valentina anymore."

"I wouldn't say that," Lucía took a seat beside Juliana as well, continuing after the three siblings looked at her curiously. "She's different, of course, but she's still Valentina. She still loves you more than anything."

"She's definitely still protective of you," Eva looked down the hall her sister had walked down, "she just needs time."

Juliana shook her head. "It's more than that. She's not letting herself feel anymore. Whatever she was feeling just now, that's only a fraction of what's really going on."

"How do you know?" Guille asked softly.

"It's Valentina." Juliana lifted herself off the couch without offering any further explanation and makes her way down the hall. There's something wrong, she can feel it in the same way she did three years ago right before she found out about the plane crash. She thinks she knows what it means but she hopes she is wrong. When she enters her bedroom her heart drops to her stomach and she collapses against her bed. Valentina's weapons are gone, the window is open.

Valentina had left.

Juliana buries her face in the pillow and cries harder than she thought she could.

~

Valentina feels as if there's a hole in her chest, a deep, wide hole threatening to collapse over her heart as she exits Juliana's apartment. She's out of control, emotional, she can't think straight. She's dangerous.

She shakes her head trying to clear it but her thoughts circle back to Gullies wide and fearful eyes as she growls at him, making him retreat swiftly. She thinks about the apprehension in Eva and Lucía's gazes when they realized what was happening. She was a monster, her own family was terrified of her. She thinks of Juliana, jumping up and comforting Valentina despite the painful ache in her side that came from the bullet wound. She thinks of Juliana holding her close and whispering to her, telling her she's safe and home and loved.

She's not safe.

She isn't sure she's home.

She doesn't deserve to be loved.

She races across the rooftops swiftly, moving much faster than she had when she was carrying Juliana across. The absence of Juliana on her arms makes her feel heavy and she stumbles, mistimed her jump and crashes into the next roof hard enough that she knows she'll have a dark purple bruise along her arm in the morning. Valentina shakes herself out of the pain but she can't ignore the empty feeling in her arms and heart as she continues on.

Valentina thought she could handle being in the same city as Juliana and not being with Juliana. Thought she could handle only seeing glimpses of the woman she still loved with every part of her. Valentina thought protecting her from the shadows would be easier, that Juliana didn't need or want Valentina in her life anymore anyway. After all, Valentina had been declared dead three years ago. Why would Juliana still love a dead woman? Valentina thought it was best to be Juliana's silent, invisible protector; she would watch from the shadows and keep her safe until Vació was gone and Valentina could truly come home.

When Juliana was attacked, Valentina hadn't thought twice about jumping into the fray. It was instinct, her need to protect Juliana. Keeping Juliana safe had been a priority for Valentina since the day Juliana showed up on her doorstep, bloody and bruised from Juliana's own father's hands. The henchmen were there to kill, Valentina knew. El Vació doesn't take prisoners. Valentina didn't care for her own safety or for keeping a low profile in that moment. Juliana needed her and Valentina would have died, for real, before letting Juliana get hurt. Taking out the two cartel members was almost too easy. Valentina had trained against far more dangerous combatants and was barely winded when Juliana had called out to her. It was a split second distraction, Valentina didn't even think Juliana knew she had spoken - nor had she realized that she had called out to Juliana as well - but that second cost her, the worst price she could pay. Juliana's blood.

The two cartel men were incapacitated a second later. It was only knowing that Juliana needed to be brought somewhere safe that kept Valentina from killing them right there. She shivered at the memory, her blade poised to strike the killing blow when Juliana had groaned behind her. Valentina left the two men unconscious on the sidewalk and took Juliana away to patch her up.

She should have taken Juliana to her apartment instead of the warehouse Valentina had been sleeping in. She knew where Juliana lived, she hadn't been able to keep herself from checking up on the woman after arriving in the city, always watching from afar. It would have been simple enough to get in, patch Juliana up and then leave before she woke up. But the thought of Juliana waking up alone, scared and in pain proved too much for Valentina and she instead brought the woman to where the knew they would both be safe. Valentina was surprised to learn that Juliana had been searching for her, just as desperately as Valentina had been fighting to come home. She didn't believe for a second that Valentina was really gone.

Valentina hadn't meant to open up so much that night, but looking at Juliana again, hearing Juliana say her name and look at her with that unending, all consuming love, it had broken a dam inside Valentina. All the reasons that she shouldn't be there, shouldn't hold Juliana in her arms and never let go flew out the window. She had held Juliana close for the first time in years, felt the softness of her lips again and it was everything Valentina had dreamt it would be. Then, Juliana fell into an exhausted sleep and Valentina remembered why she had to stay away. Juliana deserved more, better. Someone who didn't have the scars Valentina did. Someone without the blood on their hands.

Every second she was around Juliana after that was suffocating. Valentina's need to keep Juliana safe warred with her desire to stay with Juliana, to hold her and love her in the ways she had dreamt about while she was away. But she couldn't. She couldn't stay with Juliana and keep her safe. Not now. Not with Vació still out there, not with what Valentina would have to do to end El Vació. What Valentina had done and will do to stop El Vació was the stuff of nightmares, her actions haunting her day and night. Juliana didn't deserve that baggage, not when she had so much love to give.

Valentina let out a heavy sigh as she entered the abandoned tower she had made her own over the past few weeks. She stripped off her weapons and jacket and sat down on the cot she had been sharing with Juliana only hours before. Her hand came up to touch the silver chain around her neck, the dirty 'j' charm more familiar to her than anything else. She traced the words on the back with the edge of her nail. 'Mi amor' it said, the same words Juliana had whispered into Valentina's ear only minutes ago on the other side of the city, when the emotional toll of being so close to every person she loved nearly made Valentina break down. Words Valentina didn't deserve to hear from Juliana. The same words she had clung to so desperately, for strength, for comfort, for a reason to keep going.

The ghost of Juliana's touch lingered against Valentina's skin, what was once a soothing presence now a painful reminder of all that Valentina had lost. Valentina knew she had lost Juliana, despite what she had said earlier. Juliana didn't yet know what Valentina had done, the destruction she had caused, the lives she had taken. Once she did, Valentina knew she would lose Juliana for good.

After all, Valentina had become the monster Juliana feared most. Violent and brutal, really no better than the men she had hurt. No better than Chino.

Letting go of the charm, Valentina stood up and moved to the door, exiting the room that passed for a bedroom in favor of the one containing a small table covered with maps and profiles. She picked up the half-empty bottle of mezcal that sat on the floor and pulled the top off before settling in the chair at the table. She had a job to do, a mission to complete. Once that was done, she would have to face Juliana and her family again but first she would make damn sure they were safe. They deserved to live happy safe lives, even if Valentina couldn't be a part of those lives anymore.

~

Valentina disappeared. Again. Juliana looked all over the south side of the city, searching every abandoned building and tower she could get in to. She couldn't find the place Valentina had taken her too. Juliana was hurt and furious. She didn't think her heart could have possible broken any more than it had, but finding Valentina only to lose her again hours later hurt more than Juliana had ever felt before. Knowing that Valentina had left her by choice, that she had made the decision to walk away from Juliana again left her feeling empty. Angry.

The anger that boiled in her wasn't hot or fiery. Her fire had burned out and all the smoking embers of her heart did was make it hard to breath and even harder to feel anything but the cold pain of abandonment. She didn't lose Valentina this time. Valentina hadn't been taken away.

Valentina had _left_.

Juliana searched and searched, just like she had for three years, this time knowing for sure that Valentina was alive and even in the same city, but didn't want to see her. Juliana refused to let her go like that. If Valentina wanted to leave, really, truly leave, then she needed to tell Juliana. Face to face. Not disappear into the night and avoid seeing her at all costs. Juliana would find Valentina again, she had too. She didn't spend three years searching for the love of her life only to lose her again in a matter of hours.

Maybe Juliana was being reckless, maybe she should have told Guille where she was going but she didn't care. Valentina wasn't on the south side, not anymore, and Juliana was getting desperate. The longer she went without seeing Valentina again the more she felt like the whole encounter had been little more than a fever dream. If it hadn't been for the slowly forming scar on her side and the constant contact with Guille, Eva and Lucía about the subject, Juliana wasn't sure she would believe that Val was really alive. She needed to see Valentina again, needed to convince her to stay. She couldn't find her on the south side so Juliana changed course. If she couldn't find Val in her new stomping grounds, maybe she could find her in their old ones.

The park hadn't changed much over the six years since Juliana had stumbled across a beautiful, heartbroken girl crying on a bench and felt something inside her reach out. She had no idea that girl would become the most important woman in her life. Her mind drifted back to simpler times, when they could stroll through the park hand in hand without a care in the world. She missed those days. She missed the easy way she fell in love with Valentina. She missed the girl she had fallen in love with. She hated that she wasn’t there to watch Valentina become the woman she was now. She hated that Valentina had to become the woman she is, closed off, cold, unemotional.

Juliana’s feet carry her along the familiar path to the park bench where her life changed. She didn’t need to look to see where she was going, it was a spot she had returned to many times over the years both with and without Valentina. She almost trips when she finally arrives at the bench, their bench, only to find it already occupied with the woman who she had once known better than she knew herself.

“I knew you’d come here eventually.” Valentina’s voice is low, empty. She holds a metal flask in one hand. The clothes she wears are dirty, her hands wrapped in dark fabric, her knuckles bruised.

“You know how much I love a walk in the park.” It’s not what Juliana wants to say, not even close. She wants to ask Val about the dirt on her clothes and the blood on her hands. She wants to say something about the silver flask in her hand and the dark look in her eyes. The words die in her throat  

Valentina laughs humorlessly and brings the flask to her mouth. Juliana watches as her eyes squeeze shut and her lips shape into a grimace. Juliana tries to swallow the anger rising in her but when Valentina takes another sip from the flask, the anger rises again, fresh and hot.

“You left.”

“I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.” Valentina keeps her gaze focused on the ground.

“How can you say that?” Juliana takes a step forward, the muscles of her jaw clenching as she tries to keep her facial expression neutral despite the clear agitation in her voice. Not that it matter, Valentina still won’t look up.

“I’m not a good person, not anymore,” Valentina pulls on her coat sleeve, “but I’m not in the habit of lying.”

“Valentina, you’re the best person I know.” Juliana can feel herself deflating, anger giving way to sadness. It’s silent for a moment, the only sound being the click of Valentina closing her flask. When she looks up at Juliana her eyes are dark and distant, without a flicker of the affection that once shone in them.

“You don’t know me.”

Juliana feels as if a bucket of freezing water had been dumped over her head. She shivers, tears welling in her eyes and her jaw clenching as the truth of Valentina’s words wash over her. She doesn’t know Valentina. This Valentina isn’t _her_ Valentina. Her Valentina wasn’t cold, shut down, leaning on a silver flask. Her Valentina was warm, sunny, open. Her Valentina was a breath of fresh air in a world filled with terrible people. Her Valentina was the sun Juliana had basked in for so long she forgot what the darkness looked like. Her Valentina was gone.

“You don’t know me.” Valentina repeats herself and this time Juliana can hear the broken edge in her voice. It pierces her chest sharper than any knife. “I don’t even know me.”

There’s a thousand things Juliana wants to say, but none of them can leave her lips. The woman before her is so different than the one she met in the same spot years ago. So different and yet still the same. Broken and alone in the park feeling like the world is against her. The last time they had been this situation, the solution had been simple. Make Valentina smile, laugh. Dry her tears. This time Valentina isn’t crying. There’s not emotion in her at all. Juliana can’t tell if Valentina feels anything.

After a stretch of silence, Juliana’s shoulders slump and she moves closer to the bench. She sits next to Valentina not touching and just barely close enough to see the muscles in her back tense when Juliana sits down.

“I don’t know what to do, Val.” Juliana says softly. “One second you seem like you’re reaching for me just as I’m reaching for you and the next second you’re running away.” Juliana rubs her palms together to keep herself from reaching Valenting like she wants too.

“I’m sorry,” Valentina’s voice is hollow. “I’m hurting you. I shouldn’t have come back.”

“It hurt more when you were gone.” Juliana sees Valentina’s shoulders move with the deep breath she takes. “At least now I know you’re alive.”

“You would have been better off thinking I was dead.” Valentina stands from the bench and shoves her flask into her pocket. She looks like she’s about to walk away and Juliana can’t stand the thought. It feels like if Valentina walks away now, she’ll be walking out of Juliana’s life forever.

“Are you leaving?”

“I should be.” Valentina half turns to look at Juliana and then turns away again.

“What if I asked you to stay?” Juliana sees a the physical reaction in Valentina, in the way her shoulders flex and her hands clench and release.

“If you knew me now you wouldn’t want me to stay.”

“Don’t you think I deserve the chance to figure that out for myself?” Juliana stands as well and walks around Valentina so they are face to face, nearly heart to heart with how close she stands. Valentina sucks in a deep breath but doesn't step back. Juliana can see the dirty silver chain Valentina still wears around her neck. She reaches for the charm slowly, Valentina flinches backwards when Juliana’s fingers brush against her throat.

“Please,” Valentina takes a step back as if she had been struck. “Please, Juliana. Let me go. It will better for everyone if I’m gone.”

“You’ve been gone, Valentina!” Juliana’s voice rises slightly, fuelled by the emotions she’s kept bottled up for the past three years. “You were gone. For three years, you were gone. And nothing was better. For any of us. Not Eva or Lucía or Guille. They had to walk through your house, past your room knowing you would never be in there. You know it took them a year and half to even go into your room after the funeral?”

Juliana couldn’t see if her words had any affect on Valentina but she was too overwhelmed to stop. “I woke up everyday praying that when I reached for you, I wouldn’t just find cold sheets. I had to live knowing that the love of my life was gone without any explanation. I spent so many days wondering what I did wrong, asking myself why I didn’t beg you to stay home, to stay with me. Wondering why the worst things had to happen to the best people. I was going to ask you to move in with me when you got home. I had it all planned out, too. I’d pick you up from the airport and take you to our apartment when you asked to go home. I’d explain that the apartment was already ours and just needed the rest of your stuff. It was supposed to be our first home together, and all it did was remind me of what I lost. You’d never even stepped foot in the building and yet I saw you in every room.”

“Juliana, I..”

“You what, Val? You’re sorry? Sorry you left? Sorry you stayed away?” Tears pour down Juliana’s face but she can’t bring herself to wipe them away. “Sorry you’re going to leave again.”

“I can’t stay.” Valentina swallows and looks away from Juliana.

“Bullshit, Valentina.” Juliana steps forward. “You’re choosing to go.”

“It’s for your own good.”

“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me.” Juliana says with a sharp bite to her voice. She steps up again so she and Val have barely an inch of space between their bodies. “You don’t get to tell me how to feel. I thought I lost you for good. I searched for you. I thought I’d never find you again. And now you’re telling me you didn’t want to be found? I don’t buy it.” Juliana reached for Valentina’s hand, not wanting to scare her but needing to feel her close. “I may not know you anymore but you still know me. You know I love you and that won’t ever change and I _know_ that you still love me.”

“You don’t know that.” Valentina tries to pull her hand away but Juliana won’t let go.

“I do,” Juliana reaches with her free hand to brush Valentina’s hair behind her ear. Valentina doesn’t flinch but she does take a deep breath that she releases through her nose. “You wouldn’t be standing here if you didn’t.”

“It’s not safe to love me.” The way Valentina leans into Juliana’s hand is minute, barely noticeable but still there.

“I’d rather be in danger and have you than be safe and not.”

“I can’t, Juliana.” It’s the first time Juliana can hear real emotion in Valentina’s voice. “I’ve lost so much of me, I can’t lose you too.”

“You won’t.” Juliana let’s go of Valentina’s hand to cup her face with both of her own hands. “I’m not going anywhere, amor. I promise. You won’t lose me.”

“You can’t promise that.” Valentina’s eyes fall closed and when they open again Juliana can see the sheen of tears in them. “I’m not strong enough, Juliana.”

“You don’t have to be.” Juliana’s voice has dropped to whisper. “Not with me. I love you, Valentina.”

Valentina lets a single tear fall from her eye. Juliana’s thumb wipes it away. Their foreheads are touching, noses brushing together. Valentina can feel Juliana’s breath on her lips. Her own hands lift to Juliana’s hips without her realizing, an automatic reaction to having Juliana so close. Valentina feels something stirring her chest, pieces of her heart that she thought had been crushed beneath the weight of the things she did to survive. It’s too much for her to bare. She surges forward and connects her lips with Juliana’s, pressing closer and closer until her lungs scream for air and her heart feels like it’s going to beat out of her chest.

“I love you, Juliana,” she whispers, “I will always love you, but you need to let me go.” Valentina releases her hold on Juliana and steps back. Just as she turning to leave, Juliana calls out to her.

“I’m not letting go, Valentina.” Juliana sees Valentina pause in her movement to leave and reaches out for her again. “Let me know you again, let me see you.”

“You won’t like what you see.”

“All I see is you Valentina, and there’s not a part of you that I don’t love.” Juliana waited until Valentina turned to face her before moving closer again. Valentina watched her approach with tense eyes, as if she was waiting for Juliana to run away or lash out at her. “Let me prove it to you.”

Valentina felt Juliana’s hand in hers, her thumb rubbing gently over Valentina’s bloody knuckles.

“Okay.”

It wasn’t much but it was a start. It was Valentina not running away again and Juliana showing Valentina that she still cared about her. It was a small step towards what they could become again.

~

Valentina sleeps on the couch and is always awake long before Juliana stumbles out of bed, half-asleep and always scared she’ll enter the living room only to find it empty. She doesn’t. Instead she’ll find Valentina awake and alert, dressed for the day and pouring over all manner of documents and maps on Juliana’s coffee table. It was almost domestic, and reminiscent of the relationship they used to have, they way they settled into this routine together. Juliana cooked breakfast, she and Val ate together in not quite comfortable silence, Valentina did the dishes then returned to the living room and continued looking over all the documents she had brought to Juliana’s apartment from the tower she had been staying in. Her weapons sat in their sheaths, never far from Valentina and always within grabbing distance. Juliana tried not to look at the two blades too much, but she couldn’t help but notice how Valentina’s hand would twitch towards them every time there was a knock on the door.

The Carvajal family started coming around two days after Valentina had agreed to stay with Juliana. They’re surprisingly not hesitant in approaching Valentina again, especially Guille who had received the brunt of Valentina’s outburst the last time they had all been in one room together. Instead of seeming scared or holding back, Guille would come in and sit beside Vale on the couch, leaving a good amount of space between them but still beside her, and just start talking. He would talk about everything and anything that would come to mind. He told Valentina about things that had happened when she’d been gone, people that he and Juliana had met, dates that he had gone on, articles he wrote, his slowly growing relationship with Renata. Anything. There seemed to be no limit to what Guille would say just to fill the silence in the room. No matter what Guille said, Valentina only gave the smallest indications that she had heard him, a slight inclination of her head, a pause in her movement to reach for another paper, a quirk of her eyebrow when she made eye contact with Juliana, as if to say _can you believe this?_

“What is all this for anyway?” Guille asks one day, leaning forward to look at one of the pictures Valentina is holding in her hand. “Where did you get all of this?”

“I have my sources.” Valentina picks up a second picture to compare to the one she’s already holding. “This is all the information we have on El Vació.”

Juliana tried to ignore the pit in her stomach that formed everytime Valentina said ‘we,’ because Valentina didn’t mean just the Carvajal’s and Juliana. There was someone else, something else at play here, someone that was connected to Valentina from her time away and she didn’t know what that meant for her and Valentina. She didn’t even know if there still was a her and Valentina. Not with the way Valentina held herself back, not with the storm of emotion hidden behind crystalline blue that gave Juliana no hints as too how Valentina actually felt. She hated it, hated being in the same room as Valentina but feeling as if they were a world apart.

“So you’re what? Planning an ambush?” Guille’s question brought Juliana out of her thoughts. She leaned forward in her chair to listen to Valentina’s response, her heart stuttering in her chest.

“Not an ambush.” Valentina shook her head. “We need information. I know that Vació is planning something big, something that is supposed to revolutionize the cartel game but not in a good way. Here,” Valentina pointed to a photo of a non-descript warehouse, “is where they are keep this magic stock and someone in here,” she pointed to the main police headquarters of the city, “is helping them stay out of trouble until the drugs can hit the streets. I need to find out what exactly is in that warehouse and which cop is getting their hands dirty.”

“So, what do we need to do?” Juliana asked. Valentina’s eyes drifted over her for barely a second before leaving again.

“We don’t do anything,” Valentina kept her gaze firmly on the photographs in her hands. “I need to get to the warehouse and find the cop. The problem is time.”

“Time?” Eva asked, speaking up from her own seat. She hadn’t spoken as much when around Valentina, seemingly too struck by seeing her sister alive and well and so clearly torn apart on the inside.

“There’s not enough time. Vació isn’t going to wait much longer to set this off, they know that Juliana was close to finding them out and I’m sure they know about me by now,” Valentina shook her head, “I should have killed those guys when I had the chance.” She spoke under her breath but not low enough that Guille and Juliana couldn’t hear her. They shared a concerned glance as Valentina continued speaking. “I can’t be in two places at once. I’m fast but not that fast.”

“You don’t have to be in two places at once.” Juliana moved from the chair she had been sitting in and taking a seat beside Valentina on the couch. Valentina now sits between Juliana and Guille, closer to both of them than she had been days. Her shoulders tense slightly when Juliana moves marginally closer. Valentina breathes in deeply through her nose, reminding herself that she’s safe. Juliana won’t hurt her, none of them will. “We can help you.”

“It’s too dangerous.” Valentina’s protest comes immediately, heatedly, her eyes filled with more emotion than Juliana has seen since that night in the park. “I won’t put any of you risk like that.”

“That’s not your decision to make, Vale,” Lucía reminds her softly, seeming to brace herself for a reaction when Valentina’s cold eyes turn from Juliana to her. “We all want this to be over just as much as you do and we want to help make that happen.”

“It isn’t safe for you.” Valentina’s hands clenched into fists. A part of her wishes she had taken the chance to refill her flask on her last recon trip back to the warehouse, but she hadn’t wanted to risk not being in the apartment when Juliana woke up.

“It isn’t safe for you either.” Juliana starts to reach out like she wants to take Valentina’s hand but she stops half-way through the motion when Valentina glances at her out of the corner of her eye.

“I’ve had training. I know how to do things like this.”

“You want to fight with swords against guns? Again?” Juliana shakes her head. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of, Juliana.” Valentina looked at her fully, her eyes harder than stone. “I’m the least likely person to get hurt doing something like this and even if I do…”

“Even if you do what?” Juliana watches as Valentina swallows thickly and then steels herself, straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin slightly. Juliana stomach drops to her toes. She knows what Valentina is going to stay.

“I’m expendable.”

The silence that fills the room is thick and heavy. It feels like the weight of all the good mornings and good nights Juliana hadn’t gotten to say to Valentina, the crushing emptiness of waking up cold and alone with Valentina there to hold her, heavier than the thousands of ways in which Juliana had imagined saying good-bye to Valentian that she had hoped would never become a reality. It crushes her soul and makes her feel short of breath, like she’s so far beneath the sea it would be easier to sink into the darkness than to keep fighting for air.

“You’re what?” Juliana’s voice is a whisper, raspy and barely there. She clears her throat. “You’re _what?_ ” This time her voice is solid, harsh, angry. “How can you say that?”

“It’s the truth.” Valentina keeps her voice low and even, not matching Juliana’s tone. “I’ve already been gone so long. It won’t matter if I disappear again.”

“It will matter Valentina!” Juliana nearly screams at, her chest heaving with the effort of trying to keep herself calm. She can’t believe it. She can’t believe that Valentina has such little regard for her own well-being, her life. She can’t believe Valentina is willing to through everything they once had, everything that could have again, away. Hot angry tears spill from her eyes and she looks at Valentina with unbridled rage in her eyes. The kind of rage that can only come from the desperate, all consuming love she felt for Valentina and the fear of losing her again.

“I can’ believe you want to walk away from this! From us. Again. How can you say that you don’t matter? I don’t care about safety, Valentina - do not even think of interrupting me right now! - I don’t give a damn about anything that isn’t you staying here, with you. Fuck Vació! I never wanted to go after them in the first place. I wanted you back, that’s all I care about.” Valentina wipes angrily at her tears. “You said you were fighting to get back to me too and now that you’re here all you want to do is run away! You say you love me but you can’t even look at me. Why can’t you look at me, Valentina? Why are trying to desperately to get away again?” Juliana’s voice cracks with emotion and she hangs her head, shoulders heaving as she tries to hold in her sobs.

“Why am I not enough for you to stay?”

“Juliana..I..” Valentina wants to reach for Juliana, to pull her close and tell that’s enough. She’s always been enough. There’s nothing that Valentina wants more than to stay, but she can’t. She’s not worthy of the love Juliana has for her. Her hands are too bloody and her heart is too frozen and she doesn’t know how to thaw it out again. The world Valentina had been thrust into had turned her to stone and she didn’t know how to change back into the woman Juliana loved. She didn’t think that woman existed anymore.

“Don’t. Just don’t.” Juliana cut off whatever Valentina might have said. “I don’t want to hear your excuses.” Juliana moved away from the couch, putting as much distance between herself and Valentina as possible without leaving the room. “You want to risk your own life in that warehouse, then fine. The rest of us can go find the dirty cop. It’ll be faster that way. I’m sure that’s what you want. The sooner we get vid of El Vació, the sooner you can leave for good.” Juliana’s voice is bitter, a melancholic lit to her words that breaks Valentina's already shattered heart even more.

“Fine.” Valentina rises from the couch, her own voice not betraying the torment in her soul. She knew being with Juliana again was too good to last. She knew their days were numbered. Her only wish was that she had savored the time she spent in Juliana’s arms more, kissed her longer. She would have, if she’d known it was going to be the last time. “No sense in waiting around. We’ll meet back here after.”

Valentina reaches for her coat and her weapons and straps them on one by one as the others begin to leave. Lucía and Eva start walking out first, both shooting worried looks at Juliana as they go. Valentina is grateful for that, knowing that Juliana would be cared for if she left again. When she left again. Juliana followed the two elder women slowly, pausing at the door to look back at Valentina.

Their eyes met.

A thousand words floated between them.

Neither of them said a word.

When Juliana turned and left it felt like a good-bye. One that Valentina had never wanted to say but that felt inevitable just the same.

“You don’t want to leave her.” Guille said once it was just the two of them in the apartment. Juliana’s apartment. The apartment that was supposed to be the home she would share with Valentina. “I know you. You would never leave her.’

“You don’t know me.” Valentina told him. “None of you do. “

“We used too, we could again, if you would just let us in.” Guille shakes his head and steps closer to Valentina. She takes a step back. “You’ve been back for what? A month now? Half of that time you were hiding from Juliana and the other half you were not speaking to her. Do you enjoy this? Do you like hurting Juliana this way?”

“Hurting Juliana is the last thing I want to do. That’s why I stayed away. Me being here hurts her.”

“You being away hurts her more.” Guille rubs a hand across his face as Valentina begins to walk towards the door. “You know you can’t just decide to walk in and out of her life like this. She deserves better.”

“I know.” Valentina paused at the door.

“She wants you to stay.”

“No,” Valentina’s shoulders slump and suddenly she looks like exactly what she is. A young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders fighting for the one thing that makes that weight bearable. “I think she made it pretty clear she doesn’t.”

She’s already walking away before Guille can say anything and he hurries to catch up to her. He knows what Juliana said and what she feels were two different things and he’d be damned if he lost his baby sister again, either of them.

~

_Valentina clenches her teeth and swings her weapon to deflect the blow coming her way, grunting as metal meets metal and she’s shoved backwards, landing on her sore back. The marks on her back flare up with pain, white-hot and burning so much that Valentina has to bite her lip to keep from crying out._

_“Sloppy,” A voice above her intones, and Valentina feels a pressure against her throat. When her eyes open, the woman who claims to have saved her life is standing above her, the blade of her weapon pressed against Valentina’s throat. “You’re grip is weak and your stance isn’t proper. You won’t last a second against Vació.”_

_“I won’t last a second anyway,” Valentina says through gritted teeth, “in case you forgot, Vació uses guns. Why aren’t I learning how to use one of those? You don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.”_

_“Guns are messy, too loud and noticeable.” The woman removes the blade from Valentina's neck and steps back. “If you want to survive this, you need to be silent, quick. In and out. That’s the only way we will win this war.”_

_“I don’t want to fight in your war!” Valentina spit out as she climbed to her feet. “I don’t care about Vació, I don’t give a fuck about any of this!” Valentina’s thoughts turned, as they so often did, to the woman who held her heart back in Mexico City. Her hand drifted to the silver ‘j’ she had somehow managed to keep through all this hell, the charm still hung around her neck as it had been since Juliana had gifted it to her. Her thumb nail traced over the words ‘mi amor’ on the back. “I just want to go home.”_

_“You think this will stop when you get home?” The woman scoffed. “This isn’t a choice, Valentina. You’re in this war weather you like it or not, you made sure of that when you got on that plane with your dad.”_

_Valentina considered arguing but she knows it’s pointless. Her dad didn’t know anything about this war, Valentina was sure of it. If he had, he would have done something. He would have kept her from getting on the plane, he wouldn’t have gotten on it himself. If he had known it would be this way, they’d both still be at home. She’d be on the couch, lounging against Juliana while they talked or watched a movie together with her father and step-mother with them, or maybe in the dining room sharing a bottle of wine. Instead Valentina was in the middle of nowhere with fresh scars on her back and coldness in her heart while León’s body rested at the bottom of the ocean._

_Instead of arguing, Valentina picks herself and her blade back up and prepares for another round. This is all she had done since she woke up weeks ago in dirty hut on an unknown island. Her limbs ached and her body protested every movement but she knew asking to rest would only mean she would be pushed harder. It didn’t matter so much to her anymore. Her time in captivity had already broken her, in a way she didn’t think she could recover from. Fighting kept her from thinking about it, thinking about what she had lost, thinking about Juliana._

_“You could at least tell me your name,” Valentina says as she parries the next strike aimed at her. The woman training her offers a soft sort of smile that seems out of place._

_“Maya,” she says, swinging her blade in a wide arch for Valentina to dodge. She opens her mouth like she wants to say more but catches sight of the silver charm around Valentina’s neck and closes her mouth again._

_The days that follow carry on the same pattern, until Valentina holds her blades as if they are a part of her, rather than a tool for her use. Only then does the real war begin._

_Valentina had expected to be eased into this new life she was supposed to lead, shown the ropes, had some backup with her, a friendly face maybe. Perhaps a guiding hand to make sure she didn’t make a mistake that she couldn’t come back from. Instead, Valentina was thrust head first into a war she didn’t want to fight but couldn’t escape._

_She longed to return to Mexico City, to Juliana. Her fingers ached with the desire to hold her love again, reaching out for a warm body in the dead of night only to be met with empty, cold, air. Valentina fought to get back, but every step she took felt like it put another mile between her and her heart. She couldn’t go home, not when she was dangerous. Not when she was broken._

_Her mind warred with her heart, wanting so desperately to be with Juliana but unwilling to put her in danger. Her mind won out, and Valentina continued to fight in a war that wasn’t hers all in the name of keeping Juliana safe. If she had her way, Juliana would never know of the war she had fought. Juliana would be able to let her go and Valentina could slip peacefully into oblivion knowing she’d see Juliana again one day, when the world was safer, when she didn’t feel like a different person was living in her body._

_Even so, Valentina could only avoid Mexico City for so long. She had to return. To end this war she had to go to the place she was longing for and running away from._

_She had hoped her return would be happier than it was._

~

Valentina jumps awake at the sound of chains rattling together, blinking wearily as she tries to take in her surroundings. Cool metal encircles both of her wrists, her shoulders ache from the awkward angle in which the hold her arms above her head. She feels strangely heavy, her limbs hanging as if filled with lead. It’s a sensation Valentina had never thought would be familiar to her. Valentina pulls at the chains holding her while her mind fills in the blanks of what happened to her. She and Guille had arrived at the warehouse and gotten inside, only to be greeted by waiting sicarios heavily armed with all weapons pointing at their entry point. Valentina didn’t have a chance to draw her weapon. She and Guille had been taken down instantly and, judging by the soreness of her body, dragged to where ever they were now being held. Valentina pulled at her chains again as she looked around, searching the dark room she was in for any sign of her brother but finding the room empty. She heaved a sigh in something akin to relief and then, as if her mind had been struck by lightning, her thoughts turned to Juliana.

If Vació had expected Valentina they would have been expecting Juliana too. Juliana would have been captured. The chains holding her arms up rattled fiercely as Valentina fought to get free. It was bad enough that she had lost so much in this, that she had put her family in danger, she wouldn’t lose Juliana too. She couldn't.

“The princess is awake,” a voice intoned, deep and rough, as the door in front of Valentina opened. The light on the other side was nearly blinding. “I must say, I’ve missed seeing you like this.”

“Alacran.” Valentina spits his name out.

“Ah, the princess remembers me, how flattering.” He steps further into the room, followed by three other men who carry in Guille, who is bound by the hands but otherwise unharmed. “This time we brought you company.” The three men push Guille to the ground before Val and he coughs slightly.

“Val,” Guille calls out to her in a hoarse voice. Valentina spares a glance to her brother and makes eye contact with him. She doesn’t smile, doesn’t blink, but Guille nods at her anyway.

“Seems you two already know each other,” Alacran walked in a slow circle around Valentina. She could feel his eyes raking over her body, lingering on the exposed marks on her back left visible by her tattered shirt. “I wonder if you know the others, they seem to know you.”

“Don’t touch them.” Valentina’s voice comes out hard, Guille can hear the torment in her tone. His heart breaks inside his chest as Valentina continues to show only the barest hints of emotion as her shirt is torn wider in the back, Alacran lingering behind her as if he’s an artist admiring his work.

“So you do know them,” Alacran chuckles slightly, “I guess I wasn't the only one to leave a mark on you.”

“Leave her alone.” Guille struggles to his knees, defiance pouring from every inch of him.

“Look at this, the prince has some fire.” Alacran sounded amused as she walked around to Guille. Alacran smirked at the man on the ground, stroking his unsightly mustache with one hand. “Bet it doesn’t compare to the princess here.”

Valentina blinks and suddenly Guille is doubled over again, grunting in pain as Alacran’s men strike him again and again with their feet.

“No!” Valentina yells. “Don’t hurt him!” She’s pulling at her chains again, recklessly, with the strength that can only come from seeing a loved one in pain coursing through her veins. Something snaps and Valentina is suddenly standing up, her arms no longer bound to the ceiling and instead she’s free to swing the chains attached to her wrists around. The three sicarios are startled by the motion, unable to react before the chain connects with them, knocking them away from Guille in three swift motions. Valentina takes a protective stance over her brother and stares at Alacran, protective fire in her eyes. Alacran looks unfazed.

“It’s going to be fun to break you again.”

That’s all Valentina hears before the world goes dark again.

~

This time when Valentina wakes up, she doesn’t hear any chains. Her shoulders don’t ache in quite the same way but her mouth feels dry, likes it’s been ages since she had a drink. SHe licks her lips slightly and thinks that’s probably true. As the world comes back into focus, Valentina becomes aware of several voices around her, much softer than the ones that had greeted her before. She blinks her eyes open slowly, suppressing the low groan that threatens to escape her throat. Her clothes feel soggy, she wondered if Alacran had thrown water on her again.

“Val,” the voice is soft, feminine, familiar. A voice that Valentina had only ever heard in her dreams for far too long. “Val, can you hear me?”

“Juliana,” Valentina releases the name on a sigh feeling soft fingertips caressing her face. “I’m okay.”

“You’ve been unconscious since you got here, and your all bruised up.” Juliana tells her. For a second Valentina freezes, worrying that the marks she’s tried so hard to keep hidden are visible. Then she feels the torn fabric of her shirt resting along her stomach and realizes Juliana had simply made an observation of the skin visible on her stomach. She doesn’t remember there being bruises there before she was knocked out again.

"I have a high pain tolerance." The smile that accompanies Valentina’s words is small and shaky and suddenly Juliana feels like she's seventeen again, leaning over her injured girlfriend in the hospital as Val tries to pretend she's not in pain. Back then, Valentina had winced after laughing. Now, Valentina pulls herself to her feet, wipes the sweat from her brow and moves to check over her brother. The truth of her statement sinks in as Juliana follows her and she couldn't help but wonder what had happened to Valentina that had made her so strong.

But then, she thinks, Valentina had always been strong. Her compassion was her strength, her never ending pool of love and desire to make the world a better place. Valentina had never been weak, but she was strong in different ways now. More ways, because despite what she said, despite the blood that Valentina swore stained her hands, Juliana can see the depths of compassion in her eyes again. She's still hiding parts of herself but the more time she spends with Juliana, the more Juliana can see the girl she fell in love with and recognize the woman she had become.

"Did they break anything?" Valentina asks her brother as she kneels beside him, her wet and torn shirt clinging to her skin. Juliana can just barely make out a series of lines half hidden beneath the torn fabric across Valentina's back. Eva holds a dirty rag to the bleeding wound on his forehead. Guille starts to shake his head and then winces.

"They didn't seem all that interested in me." He says, staring directly as his youngest sister.

"What?"

"What do you mean?" Eva and Juliana ask at the same, the latter unable to stop herself from reaching out and placing a hand on Valentinas shoulder. The patch of her shirt where Juliana's hand rests is wet with what Juliana hopes is only water. Valentina doesn't flinch.

"They used him to hurt me," Valentina explains in a hollow voice.

"They only hit me when I begged them to stop hurting her." Guille glances at Juliana and sees her face pale. "They wanted me to see you like that."

"They wanted me to see you there." Valentina corrects as she stands up. "They're playing, with all of us. Like this is some game. They know they can't break me so they'll use you against me. They know my weakness." Valentina turns to look at Juliana and the shorter woman can see the swirls of emotion in her eyes for the first time in a long time.

"Val," Juliana clears her throat to get rid of the lump that had formed under the weight of the emotions she could read in Val. Anger, fear, sadness, love. Love. So much love it took Juliana's breath away, "how do you know so much about this?"

"This isn't the first time El Vació has tried to use me for information." Valentina says after a lengthy pause. "The first time they didn't have anything to use against me. Now they do."

A thousand words seemed the stretch between Juliana and Valentina as their eyes locked together, but nothing they could say would encapsulate the depth of emotion they felt. Juliana had a million questions running through her mind, each one with answers more horrible than the last. She knows without Valentina saying anything what the look in her eyes means.

_"I couldn't leave you,"_ Valentina had said those few weeks ago, just after saving Juliana's life. _"Not again, not knowing what they would have done to you. What they will still try to do to you."_

"What did they do to you, my love?" Juliana's question is barely audible but the other occupants in the room still look at her. Her gaze remains focused on Valentina.

"They broke me," Valentina whispers the words Juliana had been so terrified to hear.

_The room she was in was dark, the only source of light that came through the tiny window to her left had long since faded with the sun. Her shoulders burned with a deep ache, her hands suspended above her head with a chain and her head hung limply without the strength to keep it up. She had no idea how long she had been hanging there, how long she had been gone. A layer if dirt was caked over her exposed skin, her captors having torn her shirt and pants to shreds and left her hanging, in her underwear in the chilly room. Her hair had dried from the water they dumped on her ages ago._

_The door in front of her opened and she was suddenly blinded by a white light. Her eyes shut reflexively and she was unprepared for the cold water suddenly thrown on her again. She pulled against her restraints and gasped, trying to get as far away from the men who had entered the room as possible._

_"Well if it isn't the Carvajal princess," a deep masculine voice intoned. He circled Juliana slowly. "Half of Mexico is searching the world over for your pretty little ass, not that I blame them." Valentina flinched away as his hand moved towards her body._

_"You won't get away with this." Valentina says but her voice comes out as a timid whisper. The man laughs and comes around to face her._

_"I've already gotten away with it, little girl," he roughly grabs her face and forces her to look at him. "You see, daddy is already dead, you are sure to follow him. Everyone in on your daddy's little plan will join you if they don't get their noses out of places they don't belong." He smirks at her, nearly close enough for his hideous mustache to brush against her cheek. "Tell me, what did Daddy know about El Vació? Hmm?"_

_"I don't know what you are talking about," Valentina tried to explain. The man's hand moved from her face to her throat and squeezed. "I don't know anything, I swear. I don't know!"_

_"That's a shame," the man released her throat and Valentina laughed harshly and tried to bring in deep gulps of air. "You would have been of some use to me if you did."_

_"She could still be useful, boss." The second man pointed out, his gaze lecherous as his eyes raked over Valentina's form. "A girl like her…"_

_"She would like that, wouldn't she?" The first man said. "From what I've heard, she's only enjoyed the company of other women."_

_"A good strong man is just what she needs," the second one said._

_"Straighten her out, can't we? Turn her into a proper woman." His hands slid down her body, caressing her. She tried to move away, repulsed. Only Juliana had ever touched her in such a way, and only ever when Valentina had given her consent. Her mind and body revolted at the thought of anyone else's hands on her. "Fuck any woman hard enough and they'll be your bitch for life."_

_As he spoke the man dragged his hands across Valentina’s breasts. She reacted without thinking, bringing one knee up to connect with the juncture between his legs. He released her with a surprised gasp but didn't pull away._

_"Go fuck yourself." Valentina spat at him, defiant and sounding stronger than she felt._

_"Bitch has got some fire," the man picked himself back up. "I'm going to have fun breaking you."_

_The two men left then only to return a few minutes later with a wooden handle connected to a thin leather strap._

_The days that followed Valentina couldn't remember clearly. They blurred together in a mix of pain and blood, words in languages she didn't know and whispers of something in the wind. A few times she thought she saw a figure out the window, but she could never see clearly enough to be sure._

_Everyday Alacran came into her room, carrying his whip and tormented her for hours. He drug up every bit of information on her he could find, seeing what would push her buttons. Valentina tried to remain neutral, to not let his words affect her. She was only successful at that until he learned about Juliana._

_"How funny that you should know the daughter of one of our own so well," Alacran sounded almost giddy as he strolled up to her. He didn't have his whip with him but instead held a rectangle oh white in his hand. "Not that I blame you, she is quite the looker."_

_Alacran's grin turned twisted as she showed Valentina the rectangle in his hand. It was a photograph, a recent one, of Juliana. She was leaving El Centro alone, her face absent of emotion but for her eyes. Even in the photograph Valentina could see the heartbreak in Juliana._

_"Juliana," she hadn't meant to say her name and coughed after doing so. Her throat was far too dry. "Leave. Her. Alone."_

_"And what if I don't?" Alacran was toying with her, just like he always did._

_"I will kill you. If you touch her I will end you." Valentina spoke through clenched teeth, holding her head high and definitely for the first time since Alacran brought his whip out._

_"I'd like to see you try, Princess." Alacran scoffed and pulled a syringe out of his pocket. "For now, you're going to give this a little test run."_

_A sharp pinch in her arm was the last thing she remembered clearly. Images came sporadically after that, colors and pigments that she hadn't see in too long. Chocolate brown. The granite of the fountain in the park. Blue skies. The sound of Juliana's laugh. Juliana's lips on hers._

_When she came too, Valentina wasn't in the room that had been her prison anymore. She didn't know where she was. She just wanted to get home to Juliana. She tried to stand and immediately collapsed back onto the surprisingly soft surface she had been resting on. The scabs on her back split open again but Valentina ignored them as she buried  her face into the limp pillow she had been resting on and cried for the first time in she didn't know how long._

"That was the first six months that I was gone." Valentina whispered, studying her dirty fingernails. She couldn't bare to look at the other occupants of the room. She didn't want to see their pity, their heartbreak. It was bad enough having to deal with her own emotions being in captivity again, she didn't think she could handle anyone else's.

Footsteps approached her slowly, stopping when they were toe to toe. The hand that caressed her chin was gentle, asking her to look up rather than forcing her to do so. Blue eyes met chocolate brown. Tears ran down Juliana's face but she made no move to wipe them away. It was impossible to distinguish all the emotions that filtered across her face as she gaze at Valentina, sadness, heartbreak, anger, fury, love, astonishment, pride. Each one told Valentina something different but it was pride that truly gave her pause. She had done nothing to he proud of. She looked away from Juliana.

Juliana stepped impossibly closer, her free hand coming up to rest on the small of Valentina's back. Valentina's ripped shirt gave way to slightly raised skin that Juliana touched softly, reverently. Valentina shivered in her grip. No one had ever touched her scars.

Their eyes met again and they spoke without words.

_"You know what this scar means?"_ Juliana had asked all those years ago when Valentina had only one scar on her stomach. " _It means you survived."_

"You came back to me." Juliana whispers. "You came back." Her hand is still covering part of Valentina's scar.

"I'll always come home to you."

Valentina wraps her arms around Juliana fully in their first true embrace since they reunited a month ago. She buries her nose in Juliana's neck and breaths her in, willing herself not to cry. They aren't safe, not yet.

But they are together and Valentina finally feels like she's really come home.

~

“How do we get out of this?” Guille asks sometime later, after the occupants of the room have had some time to absorb what Valentina had said. They sit together, Guille, Eva, Lucía, Juliana and Valentina all along the back wall. They keep their eyes on the door, the only way in or out the windowless room they are in.

“I don’t know.” Valentina says sounding as if she’s speaking more to herself than to the others. “They’ll be keeping us in a secure room, guards outside at all times, not to mention all other sicarios around her. We could be in a warehouse or in some complex, probably in one of the innermost rooms.” She runs her free hand through her drying hair, her other hand held by Juliana who had refused to let her go after their emotional embrace before. “Trying to fight our way out would be impossible.”

“There’s got to be something we can do.” Eva says, trying to comfort herself more than anything else. She had never even imagined being in a situation like this before and hated that her sister had lived through it more than once. “We can’t just let them keep us here.”

“I won’t let them keep you here,” Valentina promises hotly. “But I can’t fight them all off. There’s too many.”

“Not to mention their proclivity to just drug you and carry you away.” Guille says offhandedly. Juliana squeezes Valentina’s hand at his words. “What can we do?”

“Nothing,” Valentina says without looking at them. “There’s nothing we can do.”

“But there’s something you can do?” Juliana asks. There’s something about Valentina’s voice, the tightness in her shoulders, the way her hand is slack in Juliana’s. Something twists in her stomach, it reminds her of the anxiousness she had felt years ago when she had been waiting to hear from Valentina when she left.

“Maybe,” Valentina looks over at Juliana, “but it’s risky.”

“How risky?” Valentina doesn’t answer but her silence tells Juliana everything. Whatever Valentina is thinking about doing, the plan that’s in her head ends with Juliana and the others going free while Valentina stays behind. “No, Valentina.”

“It’s the only way.”

“No, it’s not. I’m not leaving you here.”

“You may not have a choice if you want to survive.” Valentina climbs to her feet, letting go of Juliana’s hand as she does. Juliana follows her up. “You can walk out of this, go back to your life, safe and sound.”

“Without you.” Juliana watches as Valentina deflated slightly. The action surprises her. She’s gotten so used to Valentina being almost emotionless over the past month since they reunited, seeing the struggle in her eyes almost knocks Juliana off her feet. “Not an option.”

“Juliana,”

“This isn’t a discussion, Valentina.” Juliana takes a step closer to Val. “I’m not leaving you here, alone. If you stay, I stay.”

“It’s not safe, Juliana,” Valentina protests making Juliana scoff slightly.

“Exactly, which is why we all need to get out of here.”

“She’s right, Val,” Eva stands as well. “We all get out of here together, or none of us do.”

“Family sticks together,” Guille adds, “no matter what.”

“I’ve already lost you more times than I wanted too, I’m not losing you again.” Juliana reaches for Valentina’s hand again, relieved when their fingers tangle together instead of Valentina pulling away.

“Okay,” Valentina concedes softly, looking at her brother, sister, and love in turn before focusing on Juliana. “Then we need a plan.”

Eva opens her mouth only to be cut off but the distinctive sound of an automated weapon going off several times. Valentina shifts on instinct, spinning to face the door and using her body as a shield. She pulls Juliana against her back, resting one hand on her waist to keep her there. They hear shouting and more gunshots as Valentina orders Eva, Guille and Lucía to get behind her as well, widening her stance and holding one arm out to make herself seem larger. Juliana can feel the muscles in Valentina’s back tense, coiling tightly. She knows Valentina is ready to spring into action at a moment's notice.

The door is pushed open a moment later, the noise from outside growing louder. The figure that stands in the doorway is feminine, as tall as Valentina with the same dark fire in her eyes. She has a bloody blade in one hand, another on her hip and two in sheaths behind her back. Her eyes land on Valentina.

“Should have known it was you I’d be rescuing.” Her tone is teasing, almost, and she pulls the two blades from her back and tosses them to Valentina. Valentina catches them both by the handle. “This must be the investigators,”

“Did you clear a path?” Valentina asks in a voice that Juliana can’t place.

“A small one. We don’t have much time.” Valentina nods once. “I’ll lead them out, you protect our six.”

“Val, who is this?” Eva asks as her sister turns to them.

“A friend.” Valentina answers cryptically. “You can trust her. Follow her, I’ll be right behind you.”

“Val,”

“Please, Juls,” Valentina touches Juliana’s arm softly. “I’ll answer your questions later, right now we need to leave.”

“Okay.” Juliana takes a deep breath and runs her fingers down Valentina’s arm until their hands are linked together. “But I’m not leaving your side.”

There’s a ghost of a smile on Valentina’s lips but the strange woman who is apparently rescuing them speaks up before anything else could be said. “Glad we got that decided, now let’s move people. Reinforcements will be here any second.”

“She’s right, we need to go.” Valentina lets go of Juliana long enough to slide her sheaths onto her back and draw a single blade. Juliana reclaims her hand as soon as she can. “Let’s move.”

It’s strange, to Valentina, slinking through a dark place like this with other people. She feels hyper aware of Guille’s footsteps, the rustle of Eva and Lucía’s clothes, Juliana’s breathing. Constant reminders that she isn’t alone. Constant reminders that if they don’t make it out of this, Valentina will lose the last part of her that keeps her fighting. She squeezes Juliana’s hand and ushers them to move faster.

They make it through three curving hallways before an attack comes. Five men had snuck up behind them, Valentina spinning to face them while pushing Juliana forward in the same motion. There’s a voice sounding in Valentina’s ears but she can’t make out the words over the sound of gunfire filling the hallways. She directs the others around the corner, to safety, forcing Juliana to let go of her hand so she can face their attackers. Juliana screams her name. She feels a hot pain in her abdomen, two, three centers setting her insides ablaze as they connect with her skin.

WIth both hands free, Valentina draws her second blade. It takes her longer than it should to take the men down, her body feels too heavy. By the time the three attackers are taken care of, Valentina feels as if she won’t be able to take another step. When she tries, she ends up on her knees.

“Please, mi amor, we need to keep moving.” The voice in her ear is familiar, welcome, but distant.

“You’re not going anywhere.” The second voice is far less welcome but still familiar.

Valentina forces her eyes open, she doesn’t know when they had fallen closed in the first place, and looks into the face of the man who had taken everything from her.

Alacran smiles.

~

“I always knew you had something calling you back here, princess,” Alacran wears a cocky grin, licking his lips as he looks between Valentina and Juliana. Valentina has one hand pressed to her abdomen, slowly being stained red. Her other hand holds one blade shakily before her. Juliana stands behind her, arms outstretched as if to reach for Valentina but stopping just shy of touching her. “If I had known you had such a beauty waiting for you, I might have brought her here sooner. The pictures just don’t do this one justice.”

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Valentina spit at him venomously, a surge of protective energy steadying her hand and bringing her to her feet. She uses her body as a shield between Juliana and Alacran.

“Trust me princess, if I wanted her, she’d already be mine.” His tone was lecherous and Juliana could feel her blood run cold in her veins.  “But, I prefer my bitches a little more broken.”

“I’ll kill you.” Valentina’s voice was sharper than glass, icy. It was a tone that Juliana had never heard before. For the first time since Valentina had returned, Juliana couldn’t see a trace of the woman she had known in her. “You’re not getting out of here alive.”

“We’ve been down this road before, princess,” Alacran smirked, “it didn’t work out so well for you last time.” Juliana’s eyes flicker down to the exposed scars on Valentina’s back. She feels bile rise in her throat and swallows harshly.

“This time is different.” Valentina sounds hollow now. “This time I don’t have anything to lose.”

“Don’t you?”

A sharp gasp is cut of quickly and Valentina feels the warmth of Juliana behind her suddenly being removed. She spins around quickly, the pain in her body quickly fading away when her eyes land on Juliana.

Juliana standing in the arms of a scumbag sicario.

Juliana with tears running down her face.

Juliana with a gun pressed to her temple.

“Figure the princess would only have one weakness.” Alacran speaks again, sounding amused as he positions himself so Valentina can see both him and Juliana without moving. “Love is a powerful motivator isn’t it, princess? Nothing else could keep you going so long.” He smirks. “Nothing like losing love to truly break you.”

“You’re going to be okay, Juliana.” Valentina looks her in the eye. Juliana can see the depths of love that she had been longing to see for so long. There’s fear there too, uncertainty hidden in the depth of the blue waves but Valentina’s love for Juliana holds steady. She feels as if she’s standing in the eye of a hurricane, chaos swirling around her but safe in the sky blue eyes of her greatest love. “I’m going to get you out of here.”

“You can try, princess, but we both know you’ll fail.” Alacran shrugs, “but give it your best shot.”

“Juls, close your eyes baby.” Valentina says without breaking eye contact. Her expression gives no indication that she’s heard Alacran’s words. “Please, chiquita. Close your eyes for me.”

“Val,” Juliana’s voice is shaky. She’s never been more terrified in her life. This is the moment, she knows. This is when she can lose Valentina, for good. The thought shakes her to her core and brings more tears to her eyes. “Valentina, I love you. Te amo. Te amo.”

Juliana is sobbing when Valentina replies. “Te amo tambien, with every part of me. Close your eyes.” Juliana does.

It feels like an eternity passes with each second. She can hear the fighting going around her, bodies hitting the ground. Valentina grunts in pain. Alacran laughs. There’s a pause that lasts too long. Juliana starts to open her eyes.

Then, the arms that are around her are gone, the cold metal of the gun leaves her temple. There’s a thud, a wet gurgling sound.

“Keep your eyes closed, mi amor.” Valentina’s voice in her ear. Juliana nods her head, feels the air around her shift as Valentina maneuvers her around the corner. Arms encircle her, too many for it to be just one person. Voices float in her ears, she feels like she’s under water, so deep it would be easier to swim down instead of surfacing again. A feminine voice shouts something in a language she doesn’t recognize.

A scream fills the air.

It’s hollow. Broken. Full of despair that Juliana can feel all the way down to her soul.

“Valentina,” Juliana opens her eyes, forces herself out of Guille’s arms, past Eva and Lucía and back around the corner to where Valentina had been fighting.

Valentina is standing up, her blades dripping blood. Alacran lies on the floor before her, blood pouring from his mouth still in the shape of a half-smirk. The woman from before is standing on the other side of Alacran, looking at Valentina with an unreadable expression.

“Valentina,” Juliana says her name barely louder than a whisper but Valentina hears and turns to her.

“Juliana,” Valentina takes a shaky step towards her and stops. She drops her blades and covers her abdomen with both hands. “You’re safe.” There’s a smile on Valentina’s face.

Then she collapses.

Juliana rushes to her, moving faster than she ever had in her life to catch Valentina before her head hits the ground. She’s speaking she knows, but she can’t tell what words are coming out of her mouth other than whispers of Valentina’s name. She hears footsteps behind her but pays them no mind. Her hands find Valentina’s, moving them out of the way.

Three gaping wounds greet Juliana and she can’t help the sob that escapes her.

“No, no, no, Valentina.” Juliana presses her hands to the wounds to stop the bleeding. She feels sick. There’s so much blood. “Please, no, no. I can’t lose you again. Stay with me, mi amor. Keeping fighting, I know you can.”

“Juli,” Valentina’s voice is weak, her eyes fluttering open and closed. She’s trying so hard to stay awake. “Don’t leave me, please.”

“Shh, my love, I’m not going anywhere.” Juliana promises. “And neither are you.”

Valentina is unconscious again before she can reply.

~

Juliana can feel herself panicking, her breath coming in short sharp pants as Valentina releases another ear splitting scream. Her hands are still blood stained from her efforts to keep Valentina alive in that filthy warehouse. Her hands mights be shaking but she can’t focus on them enough to be sure. She needs to see Valentina, needs to know that she’s still there with her. That she hasn’t lost the love of her life again. She stands on shaky legs, her resolve never wavering even as Valentina releases a pain-filled whimper from the other room. Guille, Eva, and Lucía watch her walk across the room but don’t make any attempts to stop her.

Juliana pushes the wooden door blocking her from Valentina open and hurries past it, closing it behind her. Valentina looks up at her when the door closes, Juliana stops in her tracks. Valentina’s face is tearstained, dirty, her jaw clenched tightly but her eyes light up when she sees Juliana. She reaches for Juliana, her hand stained red and shaking.

“Juls,” Her voice comes out in a broken whisper followed by a grunt as the person leaning over pulls out another shard of metal from her stomach. Whatever bullets Alacran’s men had used had been laced with something and half of the shattered upon impact. They should have taken Valentina to the hospital but they didn’t have to answer all the questions that would bring up. Juliana doesn’t hesitate another second and closes the distance between her and her love, taking Valentina’s hand in her own and kneeling beside her.

“I’m here, mi amor, I’m right here.” Juliana kisses Valentina’s knuckles and holds their joined hands against her chest. Her free hand rises and slides through Valentina’s hair, gently pushing the stray strands off her sweaty forehead. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

“You shouldn’t be in here,” the figure speaks harshly, pausing in their motions to pull the last piece of glass out. “Valentina, you know what was in those bullets. You know what it does to you.” The figure turns their harsh gaze from Valentina to Juliana and back again. Juliana feels the angry warmth spread in her chest from this unknown woman telling her what to do. She doesn’t know this woman, but Valentina clearly does.

“No,” Valentina hisses as the woman begins stitching her wounds, “please, Juliana, don’t leave me. Please, I can’t, I lose you again.” Her voice is raw and emotional and she clings to Juliana’s hand like a lifeline.

“Shh, shh my love, you haven’t lost me. You never lost me.” Juliana tries to swallow back her tears but they slip from the corners of her eyes anyway. “I’m right here, I’m not leaving. I promise. I love you.” Juliana leans forward and kisses Valentina’s forehead, then her nose, and then, finally her lips.

The kiss is salty and bloody from their tears and the blood Valentina had coughed up when they were still in the factory. It’s not their first kiss since they reunited that long month ago but it feels different. This isn’t a kiss to calm each other down the way the others had been. This kiss is a promise, the first true kiss where Juliana is certain that they are on the same page instead of drifting across two different stories that may never meet. It’s the beginning of a new forever and when Valentina kisses her back it’s everything Juliana ever wanted.

“I love you, Juliana. Te amo. Te amo.” Valentina’s eyes are closing, her body finally giving into the darkness that had been threatening to take over, succumbing to the pain and blood loss she’s suffered. Juliana kisses her hand again but doesn’t say anything more. She doesn’t want Valentina to try and fight the rest she needs for any longer.

“She was waiting for you.” The woman stitching up Valentina’s side and stomach speaks suddenly. Juliana had almost forgotten about her. Almost. “I thought she would have passed out from the pain a while ago.”

“She has a high pain tolerance.” Juliana repeats the words Valentina said to her in the warehouse when she was first thrown into the room where Juliana and the others were being held.

“She didn’t always.” The woman stands up from Valentina’s bedside and moves away. Juliana stands and rounds the small cot that Valentian lays on, sitting by her side and reaching with her freehand to pull Valentina’s shirt down to cover her abdomen and then pulling the blanket over her.

The door opens and then closes but Juliana doesn’t look up. She’s too busy tracing every inch of Valentina’s face with her eyes. She doesn’t know what she’s searching for, or if there’s even anything to find. All she knows is the girl she lost and the woman she got back are so different from one another and yet still the same. All she knows is that it doesn’t matter which version of Valentina is with her, the light and happy girl she met all those years ago in the park, the excited and bubbly young woman who boarded that plane, the damaged and dark vigilante who saved her that night or the broken but strong woman laying on a dirty cot with far too many wounds in her side. Which version of Valentina is before her doesn’t matter. Juliana loves each and every version of Valentina that will ever exist and she always will.

The door opens and closes again. Juliana glances up to see the woman has returned to the room, her hands now clean but holding a sturdy looking piece of cloth. She meets Juliana’s gaze.

“So,” she sits in a chair in the corner of the room. “You’re her Juliana.”

Juliana nods, a small smile on her lips. Even though she doesn't know this woman, the fact that she has acknowledge the connection between Juliana and Valentina is comforting somehow.

“You know she’s not the same girl you fell in love with.” It’s not a question.

“I know.” Juliana looks back down at the slumbering woman. A line of sweat is forming on Valentina’s forehead. “I don’t know what she’s been through, not completely but I know it changed her. Her heart is heavier than it used to be.”

“Too heavy, perhaps?” There’s a certain lilt to the woman’s voice, challenging in a way that makes Juliana look up at her. There’s something hidden in the woman’s grey eyes, something that Juliana recognizes instantly.

“Not for me,” Juliana narrows her eyes slightly when the woman looks away from her. “Her heart will never be too heavy for me, and I’ll do whatever I can to make sure she knows that.”

“You sound so certain.” The woman looks at her again and this time the challenge is obvious. Whatever connection Valentina may have to this woman, Juliana knows it reaches another level, not for Valentina but for the other woman. After all, Juliana knows exactly what it looks like to be in love with Valentina. “What makes you think you’ll be able to do that? To stay that strong?”

“I stayed strong for three years,” Juliana says, “when the whole world told me to let her go, she was gone and wouldn’t come back, I held on. I never stopped looking for her, never stopped believing that she would come home. I never gave up on her.” Juliana looks the other woman dead in the eye. “I’ll be damned if I give up on her now, when she needs me the most.”

The woman stays silent, studying Juliana closely. Juliana knows she’s looking for any hint of doubt, any crack that she can slither into to break apart. Juliana knows she won’t find anything.

“I guess she didn’t tell you about me.” The woman speaks up after a beat of silence. Juliana shakes her head in the negative.

“She doesn’t really talk about anything that happened while she gone.”

“She might not ever.”

“That’s okay,” Juliana looked back down at Valentina. “She can talk when she wants too, or not at all. I’m not going anywhere.”

The woman doesn’t answer, a stoic silence fills the room as she moves to make her way outside again. Juliana feels as if she somehow passed a test she hadn’t studied for.

“Who are you?” Juliana asks before the woman can leave.

“My name is Maya,” the woman answers. “I’m the woman who tried to put her back together. After Alacran tortured her.”

“Tried?” Juliana looks up at Maya again.

“I helped heal her body and mind as much as I could, but it was hard.” She sighs. “No matter what I did, it didn’t really help, not until I realized I could only help her body.” Maya turned away from Juliana and opened the door. “I wasn’t the right person to heal her heart.”

She’s gone before Juliana can reply.

~

Juliana’s sits at Valentina’s bedside for six days, feeding her soup and helping her drink water in the few moments when she’s lucid. Her heartbreaks as Valentina seems aware of herself enough to know that something is messing with her mind, but not aware enough to pull herself out of it. She clings to Juliana tightly in her moments of clarity, only to push her away again as the drugs in her body convince her mind that Juliana is nothing more than an illusion. Maya won’t say exactly what was laced in the bullets, only that it isn’t the first time Valentina had been under it’s influence.

They move her to Juliana’s apartment when she’s steady enough, setting her gently in Juliana’s bed after the move which Valentina had thankfully remained asleep for. Juliana changes her into a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt, throwing her bloody leather in a bag in the corner. She wants to throw it away, but she knows it’s not her place to decide that for Valentina. Instead she puts the clothes out of her mind and settles in bed with Valentina to hold her through the tremors that have started to wrack her body.

“It’s good that she’s asleep for this,” Maya says one day, standing in the doorway of Juliana’s bedroom. Valentina had just collapsed back against the pillows after the shaking of her body had stopped. Juliana cradles her gently, a soft smile on her face as Valentina shifts. Now that she’s more asleep than unconscious, Valentina has started cuddling closer to Juliana. Juliana looks up when she hears Maya’s voice. “She wasn’t asleep last time. It wasn’t pretty.”

Juliana wonders if Maya had held Valentina like this before, if she felt the same odd mix of concern and peace as Valentina settled against her. Her stomach boiled at the thought but she was glad Valentina hadn’t had to suffer alone.

Valentina wakes up after ten days, a full week after they returned to Juliana’s apartment. Juliana herself is asleep in the bed beside her when Valentian awakes, laying on her side with one arm slung over Valentina’s waist. It’s a position that had been familiar three years ago, one that Valentina had woken up too several times.

This time it feels likes a dream.

She stretches her arm out, pushing away the weakness in her limbs. She needs to touch Juliana, feel her warmth, know that this is real. Juliana’s eyes open as Valentina’s fingers brush against her cheek.

“Val,” Juliana whispers her name, blinking the sleep away from her eyes.

“Juls,” Valentina returns just as softly, brushing her fingers up into Juliana’s hair.

“I thought I lost you.” Juliana shifts closer, their noses brushing together. “I thought I was going to lose you again.”

“I told you, I’ll always come home to you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

This time when they kiss it doesn’t taste of blood or desperation. It’s not rushed, not filled with desperate grabs or tears. It’s soft, loving. They both have morning breath and Valentina hasn’t showered in nearly two weeks but it doesn’t matter. They’re alive. They’re together.

“I love you.” Valentina whispers as they part.

“I love you too.” Juliana returns then frowns at the crease in Valentina’s forehead. “How do you feel?”

“Sore,” Valentina tries to move, grimaces and then settles again, “and gross.”

Juliana chuckles lightly. “You did it you know, you saved us.”

“I killed a man.” Valentina’s voice drops to a whisper.

“You saved us.” Juliana says again. She reaches for Valentina, cupping her face gently to coax her to look at Juliana again. “You did what you had to do.”

“That doesn't make it right.”

“No, it doesn't.” Juliana thinks of saying more, words of comfort and of love but she knows they’ll sound hollow. Valentina had ended a man’s life, no matter the circumstances that would weigh on her. Valentina may have incapacitated several people when she was gone but Juliana doubted she had ever intentionally killed someone. So Juliana stays quiet and gently pulls Valentina closer to her.

“Where is everyone?” Valentina asks after a beat of silence.

“Waiting for me to call them. Maya said you would wake up soon and they wanted to be well-rested and presentable, according to Eva.” Valentina nodded slightly and moved fractionally closer to Juliana.

“Mind if we make them wait a little longer?” Valentina asks, “I just want to be here, with you, for now.”

“There’s nothing I’d love more.” Juliana presses a kiss against Valentina’s forehead. “You should get some more sleep, let your body heal.”

“Stay with me?” Valentina turns as much as she can without hurting herself, which isn’t much at all but helps her feel closer to Juliana. She turns her head and kisses the soft skin of Juliana’s neck before pressing her nose there and inhaling deeply.

“Always.” Juliana promises with another kiss. A few moments pass and Valentina is asleep again, wrapped up in Juliana’s arms.

They have so much to talk about, the pain of three years living separate lives weighs on them both. But for now, laying in one another’s arms, it was enough. Enough to pretend like they had had six uniterrupted years of bliss. Enough to know that no matter what they still loved one another more than anything else in the world.

Enough to know that they had won the war.

Enough to push the scars away until another day.

**Author's Note:**

> And there's part 3! Part 4 will hopefully not take as long to write but it will be heavily emotional and all about juliantina reconnecting so please stay tuned! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading and commenting on all the works in this series so far, you have no idea how many times I went back to re-read comments when my motivation was lacking. I love all of your kind words and can't wait to here your thoughts on this installment. 
> 
> Until next time, feel free to yell at me over on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ambs-writes)


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